Monday, November 5, 2012
Have A Skate With Bob
This Saturday I am going to be participating in a charity hockey game in memory of my Dad. It is going to be so much fun and hilarious because I have not played hockey since I was a little girl on the pond behind our old house. This Saturday I am going to hockey suit up and raise money to fight Pancreatic Cancer! The event will be held in Rockford at the BMO Harris Bank Center. One $15 ticket gets you in to 2 charity games AND The Rockford IceHogs game as they take on the Milwaukee Admirals. There will also be a silent auction with some amazing signed items from members of the Blackhawks and many more! I am very much looking forward to this Saturday.It's going to be so much fun and it's going to raise a lot of money for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network!! For ticket information email Bob at bob@skatewithbob.com and check out the website haveaskatewithbob.com!
Look Out, World.
I haven't been writing on here as much as I could, or should. It's hard for me to bare my heart and soul for all to see. But I'm doing a lot better these days. I'm starting to enjoy life again. Now, the days I spend smiling and laughing heavily outweigh the nights I spend crying. I am coming back to life and I'm feeling good about it. It's time I stop feeling sorry for myself and start making my Dad proud of me!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Vulnerable
It's June, and in 20 days it will be a year since my dad died. One whole year. Three hundred and sixty five days. I will have spent every single one of those days thinking about him, missing him, loving him, remembering him, and more than anything just wishing he was still here. I get so sad seeing all of the Father's Day stuff in the stores because all I can think about is how Father's Day was the day he was admitted to the hospital for the last time. And how he never even go to open and read my Father's Day card. A year later and it still hurts as bad as it did a year ago. I'm not the same person anymore either. I'm filled with so much anger and sadness. But it does get easier to cope with everyday. I just have to keep living one day at a time. I do have good days but there are definitely still a lot of bad days mixed in. I'm lucky to have awesome friends and family to share and enjoy the good days with.
"It's hard to say I miss you, since you've been gone I'm not the same"
Love You, Dad
"It's hard to say I miss you, since you've been gone I'm not the same"
Love You, Dad
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month
It's Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month and I hope to do just that, raise awareness. Everyone is aware of breast cancer and it seems like everyone has combined their efforts against breast cancer and now my hope is that the world can combine those same forces to fight Pancreatic Cancer.
You can be a hero in the fight again pancreatic cancer and help people everywhere know it, fight it, and end it.
Pancreatic cancer has the lowest relative survival rate of all the cancers tracked by both the American Cancer SocietyPeople need to know how deadly this terrible disease is. I honestly thought after my Dad's surgery that he would be one of those 6%. I think maybe that may be part of the reason that I'm taking this so hard. People used to tell me that I'm too negative but I've always seen myself as realistic. And this time I was staying as positive as I possibly could be only to end up with the worst possible outcome. I didn't want to admit to myself that I could lose him forever. And now that I have I guess I'm a little lost inside. I think it helps knowing that I have pretty much the same personality as him so he will always be with me, but I have wanted nothing more than to just have a conversation with him these past couple of weeks. I want to watch a Blackhawks game with him and talk hockey, or tell him that I love him.
and the National Cancer Institute; pancreatic cancer is the only one with a five-year relative survival rate in the single digits at just six percent.
You can change that. Sign up today to be a Volunteer for Progress. Join your friends, family and neighbors to know, fight and end this deadly disease.
You can be a hero in the fight again pancreatic cancer and help people everywhere know it, fight it, and end it.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
RIP Dad, I miss you every day
It has been 110 days since my Dad died. 110 days and I feel just as sad as I did 109 days ago. I still spend most night crying. I still think that it' not fair. And most of all I still just want my dad back.
He died on June 23rd after battling Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009. He had a whipple procedure done and went through rounds of Chemotherapy and Radiation. He was healthy for an entire year after that. I truly believed that he would be one of the 6% that would defeat this terrible disease. But he started feeling ill again in March of this year (2011). We would later find out that his cancer was back and that it was in his liver and that this time it was inoperable. I continued to stay positive because I knew how strong my dad was and I hoped that this round of Chemo would work. But then there the setbacks and the complications. He was admitted to the ICU on Father's Day. Father's Day. We thought he was severely dehydrated but he had Sepsis. Two days later our oncologist told us that the chemo had absolutely no effect at all. And that is when my world came crashing down. The horrible realization that my dad was indeed going to die and at that point we were just counting down the days. After that the doctors would attempt to get him stable enough to be transported to a hospice center. He died hours after being extubated and never made it to the hospice center.
I miss my dad more than words can even say. He was only 53. He was a lifelong Chicago Blackhawks fan and now that hockey season has started there is a huge part missing. We would talk hockey all the time. Anything I didn't know about a team or it's players he would know and tell me all about it. We had some quality bonding time during hockey season. Even when I was away at school we would talk about how my school's hockey team was doing. It just kills me that I can't go downstairs and talk to him about the Hawks and the new players and the fact that the Jets are back and everything. I get flooded with emotions of sadness and anger. Everyone tells me to remember the good times, I do. But remembering the good times still makes me cry because I know that there won't be any more. I know one day I will be able to look back and smile and laugh but I am far from that point. So I am going to get this blog going again and it will be dedicated to my dad and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness and my grieving process.
He died on June 23rd after battling Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009. He had a whipple procedure done and went through rounds of Chemotherapy and Radiation. He was healthy for an entire year after that. I truly believed that he would be one of the 6% that would defeat this terrible disease. But he started feeling ill again in March of this year (2011). We would later find out that his cancer was back and that it was in his liver and that this time it was inoperable. I continued to stay positive because I knew how strong my dad was and I hoped that this round of Chemo would work. But then there the setbacks and the complications. He was admitted to the ICU on Father's Day. Father's Day. We thought he was severely dehydrated but he had Sepsis. Two days later our oncologist told us that the chemo had absolutely no effect at all. And that is when my world came crashing down. The horrible realization that my dad was indeed going to die and at that point we were just counting down the days. After that the doctors would attempt to get him stable enough to be transported to a hospice center. He died hours after being extubated and never made it to the hospice center.
I miss my dad more than words can even say. He was only 53. He was a lifelong Chicago Blackhawks fan and now that hockey season has started there is a huge part missing. We would talk hockey all the time. Anything I didn't know about a team or it's players he would know and tell me all about it. We had some quality bonding time during hockey season. Even when I was away at school we would talk about how my school's hockey team was doing. It just kills me that I can't go downstairs and talk to him about the Hawks and the new players and the fact that the Jets are back and everything. I get flooded with emotions of sadness and anger. Everyone tells me to remember the good times, I do. But remembering the good times still makes me cry because I know that there won't be any more. I know one day I will be able to look back and smile and laugh but I am far from that point. So I am going to get this blog going again and it will be dedicated to my dad and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness and my grieving process.
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